”BE CAPTAIN AMERICA, STEVE. JAM CAPTAIN AMERICA DOWN THEIR THROATS. AND AT THE SAME TIME, PROTECT YOURSELF.”
With that immortal, ignoble call-to-arms, a hero is born. Steve Rogers is an ex-marine. We first encounter him driving down the coast in his swingin’ van. Steve tells us that it’s “a mellow set of wheels” and that he‘s “been coming down the coast, slow and easy, you know, kickin’ back.” He‘ll have to be kickin’ ass before long though. When Steve-o encounters an oil slick on a mountain road, he goes careening off the edge of a cliff. In order to save his life, he is injected with an experimental compound developed by his father, and administered, of course, by your run-of-the-mill twenty-something Beautiful Scientist, Dr. Wendy Day.

The compound is called F.L.A.G. – Full Latent Ability Gain. F.L.A.G. is “the ultimate steroid”, which might explain the main character’s girlish voice, as well as his lack of balls. You see, instead of fighting, Cap often uses distraction tactics or, perhaps subconsciously echoing the same violence done unto him, trips up enemies using oil slicks. Needless to say, with his F.L.A.G. flying at full mast, Steve dons the red-white-and-blue tights, and embarks upon his motorcycle adventure.

The US government sends Steve out to battle evil with a motorbike that jets out the back of his van and straight into danger’s vicious maw. Noting the uncanny resonance between “shield” and “windshield”, someone in the production had the ingenious idea of combining the two. Cap’s plastic windshield detaches to become the hero’s famous throwing weapon. Unfortunately, instead of flying through the air and mercilessly boomeranging into villains’ faces, this flimsy frisbee hovers around tentatively before furtively tapping its victims on the shoulder.

Despite these cheap shots I’m taking, the movie’s actually quite good. It’s got a rollicking score, and Reb Brown is a likeable lummox, who at least has the brawn and charm that Matt Salinger lacked in the 1990 Captain America feature film. So kick back and enjoy… slow and easy.

• Running Time: 110min
• Format: DVD-R
• Language: English
• Subtitles: None
• Video System: NTSC
• Region: 0 (No Region Protection)
• Audio quality: 7/10
• Picture quality: 7/10